My new book is in it's 3rd trimester.....
but here's a bit of my story ...
in a nutshell...
The Stage: I had 3 beautiful kids. At the time, my youngest was 6. I was a surviving the years of the overwhelm of diapers, car seats, and someone always having a tantrum (mostly me). I was excited to finally emerge from the mom fog, with all my kids in full-day school, and reclaim some of myself. (who?)
The Moment: This can't be happening. Vasectomies don't just grow back, right?! Did my doctor just confirm I'm pregnant? The results, they seem ... official. My doctor is talking, I'm not hearing anything. What am I going to do? I don't think I can handle this. I don't think I want to handle this.
Enter Fear: I cant breathe. I'm almost 43 - I'm well beyond the "advanced maternal age" screening. What about developmental disabilities? Can my body really handle this? I'm scared. Terrified, really. This isn't happening.
Enter Ego: I'm going to be stuck in frazzled, imperfect mom-hood forever. We are already the overbooked, stressed out, heading-in-every-direction family. And me? I'm Cinderella - on hold for the next stage of my dreams. Now, I'm thwarted from going to the ball. I'll never find myself. I'll loose my soul in managing schedules, making food and endless piles of laundry.
Enter Guilt: Oh, no - what I am thinking? I "SHOULD" be grateful. Blessed. Why am I conflicted? Other women aren't able to conceive, and here I am, pregnant beyond all odds! Be grateful, Lynn. You're feeling guilty about feeling guilty. Suck it up.
The Reality: Now what? Chin up, be positive. Deep breath. Time to tell your husband. Time to tell your family. How will everyone react? Your kids? Your friends? You have to handle this. Don't forget to smile. And to breathe.
The Reactions: Way to go! Audible cheers! High fives all around for ... my husband, "The Man!". For me? .... the opposite. "You do know where babies come from, don't you?" ... "How could you let this happen?" ... "You know at your age birth defects are common" ... "You must have cheated." Oh, the judgement. I felt pretty alone.
The Pregnancy: Nine months somehow passed. I had a silent and personal crisis. And slowly it lead to an awakening.
The Gift: I was blessed with a “Bonus Baby”, not an “Oops Baby” as others labeled. Yeah, it was an emotional and anxiety filled pregnancy, but I would not trade her for anything in this world. I wanted HER. I needed HER. SHE kicked off the journey back to me.
The Awakening: This unexpected life event cracked open unseen illusions I harbored for years. I was plucked out of my auto-pilot life following society’s subtle but ridiculous expectations and started to analyze what we believe, what we do, and why we do it. I started questioning. Everything. I RE-FRAMED my perspective, on everything.
This was my journey all along.
The more I carve my path, the more I realize others are on this path with me.